"Are you a mother?"

Today is Mother's Day. I knew it might be a difficult day, but Mike and I had planned to do an LDS FS outreach with Sister Reed to a branch in our stake. A few years back I had learned not to let things about Mother's Day affect me. I usually just try to focus on my mother and what a great woman she is and the love I have for her, and then it is not a hard day for me. Today I knew might be a little different, because a few months ago I thought I was about to become a mother.

Sitting in this little branch during sacrament meeting I knew that the members there did not know of our situation, so I was bracing myself for anything that might be said that may cause me pain. As I listened to the speakers I was happy to hear their words as they all focused on their own mothers and one speaker talked about our Heavenly Mother and how all women have the characteristics of Her. I thought that was a wonderful message and something that I was grateful to hear. I thought I had gotten through the whole meeting without shedding a tear or feeling sorry for myself. But then they started passing out roses to all the mothers. The man who was handing them out asked me "Are you a mother?" I answered "No, not yet" and so he passed me by. I didn't really care about the rose, I didn't even want a rose, but I was surprised by the way the words of me saying that I was not a mother to this man affected me. My eyes started to sting and the tears started to come. I held it back as much as possible but I really wanted to leave the room and just break down. I didn't and by the time the meeting was completely over I felt I had my emotions in check. I did not want the day to be focused on what I wasn't or what I didn't have. After the meeting, I am sure there were people that noticed my red eyes and so a young man came over to me and gave me a rose. I felt silly then, because I never really wanted the rose. I always feel silly taking the mother's day gifts that are given out at church. I am frustrated with myself for letting that question get to me, but it did.

During RS/PH they had a combined meeting so that Sister Reed could talk about LDS FS. I was grateful for this as we would get to share with the members our testimony of adoption, this was the reason why we visited this branch, instead of going to our home ward. We only have a few minutes to share our testimony during the presentation so it is either Mike or I that says something, not both of us. I had shared my testimony in the last one we did, so Mike was going to do it this time. I was grateful for that because I knew it would be too emotional for me to talk about, especially today. When it was time for Mike to share his testimony the spirit was very strong and he was surprised with himself when he became emotional. Afterwards we had many people come up to us and tell us they enjoyed having us visit and appreciated Mike's testimony. They also wished us luck in our adoption journey. It really was a great meeting and I am grateful we had the opportunity to visit this little branch.

Although it would have been easier to stay home today from church and not worry about coming across anything that may cause me pain, I am grateful that I chose to go to church and was able to participate in this meeting. I do enjoy meeting the members of our stake and I know the more people that know of our desire to adopt, the faster we may be able to find our baby.